"...with God, all things are possible" Matthew 19:26
I always get my best ideas when in a less than ideal place, like in the shower! Not exactly the most convenient place to take notes. So, I talk to myself in the shower and hope that at least some of my 'great' ideas stick long enough to jot them down.
This morning, while washing my hair, I came to the realization that we were entering into our 7th week. The 7th week in the hospital. The 7th week of Ella on ECMO. Definitely not where we expected, (hoped), to be at this point. That's the thing, though, with these amazing little fighters. I keep reminding myself to remember that every case is so completely different and that there is no time line for her progress and that I can't compare her to other CDH babies. When you see babies that come in after and progress quicker, it can be quite disheartening. I thank Jesus for being with these babies and these families.
I also remind myself that God's timing is perfect and this is all part of His plan. Jesus, I trust in You!
When I lose sight of that (and I definitely lose sight at times!), I just repeat, "Jesus, I trust in You", until I talk myself off the throw-in-the-towel-ledge. Who am I to even think of throwing in the towel? This isn't even my fight! I sit here in Ella's room, praying and crying but she's the one doing all the fighting. We tell her constantly how proud of her we are. How strong and brave she is. How amazing and beautiful she is.
In this most recent 'shower blog idea', I was thinking to myself how she's the strongest person I have ever met. Stronger than me. Stringer than her daddy. As I'm thinking this, I kept hearing a voice in the back of my head saying, "Jesus went to the cross." I finally acknowledged the voice. Now that is the strongest person I have ever known! He suffered beyond any possible suffering I could even imagine and He did it for us. What's more amazing? He is, to this day, still doing it for us! This isn't my fight. This isn't even Ella's fight. This is Jesus' fight because that's what He does. He fights for us. He defends us against the trials and evils in this world. If we just let it go and let God. If we just hand it over to Him and trust in Him. We can't hand it over and keep trying to take it back. We all have a habit of doing that. I know I do! It can be so hard to trust in His invisible presence. Yet, He makes His presence known all the time if we just pay attention.
Yesterday, Ella smiled at her daddy. Despite her discomfort. Despite the ventilator tube in her tiny little mouth. She smiled. Now, if that isn't the true presence of God, then I don't know what is!! 04/08/2020