top of page
Random
Thoughts
that cross this mom's mind....
Below are just some thoughts that have randomly popped into my head, pieces of conversations I've had or overheard and even things that came in dreams. Some of these thoughts get expanded on more in my blog stories and others just get scribbled down in my journal, Instead of letting them get forgotten between the lines, I figured I would share them. Perhaps you can relate.
My reality is faith in God's ability to heal.
Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a baby and not feel like a mom?
Breathe in Jesus. Breathe out the world.
This journey isn't pretty. It isn't fun. It isn't something to be romanticized. But it is worth it.
Don't look at me with pity. Pity promotes fear. Look at me with confidence in God's healing.
I am going to hold my happy, healthy baby in my arms.
Today, my ECMO nurse asked me if Ella is my first baby.
"Yes", I replied.
She said, "I'm sorry you have to go through this."
She's worth it. Every tear. Every sleepless night. Every prayer for healing. Every ounce of heartache. But, in reality, our little Ella is the one going through this. 03/22/2020
I don't feel amazing. I don't feel strong. I don't feel admirable. I feel weak and helpless and small.
Sitting in her room all day can be torture. Watching numbers go up. Watching numbers go down. Seeing my baby's silent cries. There was nothing I could do. Stroker her head. Talk to her. I just wanted pick her up and hold her against my heart. I could do nothing. I couldn't delete her frustrations. Her pain. Her discomfort. I just prayed and I cried. And cried. And prayed. And cried. And felt useless.
Heavenly Father, I don't know how else to ask for healing. Tell me how to ask!
God's way sounds too simple. Too good to be true. But guess what? It is true! He is the ultimate truth!
...
bottom of page